by Dr. Karen Sherman www.drkarensherman.com Dr. Karen Sherman offers information to help couples deal with potential relationship difficulties. Show Me The Money So, have the squabbles over money started yet? Chances are, they have - even before the wedding. Maybe he thinks you spent too much on a new outfit. Maybe you think he’s crazy to be betting hard-earned money on the Superbowl. Concerns about finances are one of the leading causes for arguments facing couples today. And the reason is simple. Because every person has a unique background, each brings to the relationship a different set of values. One of the times that these differences come sharply into focus is when there is a disagreement over finances. Money seems to represent more than just currency; there is usually a great deal of emotional meaning attached to it. Disputes about finances can trigger issues of security, inadequacy, trust, and/or power. Small matters, such as tipping or charity donations, usually can be resolved easily. Larger issues, however, are more complicated. Questions such as these can cause major disagreements: Will you both work? Does all the money made go into one account? How will credit cards be used, if at all? Who pays the bills and from which account? What expenses are considered necessities? How are decisions about money made? Unfortunately, there is no one correct way of addressing finances in a relationship. What is essential is that you talk about it. As difficult as it may be to have this discussion now, doing so will help to prevent more emotionally charged difficulties later. If you both agreed on how to deal with money matters, there would be no argument. Unfortunately, this probably won’t happen. More likely, some money issue will ignite a disagreement. One or both of you will be left with feelings ranging anywhere from a mild upset to a full-blown hostility. To avoid these fights, it is necessary for you to stop and look closely at your differences. Without awareness, no change can take place. Explore these differences to see if some other feelings are coming into play. For instance, how does your partner pay bills? Once a month or as they come in? Is the payment method just a matter of convenience or does it represent a larger issue - like fear that bills will stack up and there will not be enough money? When differences reflect larger issues, it is important to understand these issues and to discover why they are important. Being aware of each other’s outlook on these matters will allow you to talk more comfortably about your differences, reach compromises that will be acceptable to you both, and help to build a solid foundation for making your future financial decisions together. Copyright © Dr. Karen Sherman www.karensherman.com